Forzando House: Your Malang UMM Student Haven!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving HEADFIRST into the wild world of… Forzando House! Your Malang UMM Student Haven! – or, at least, that's what they say. Let's see if it lives up to the hype, shall we? This review is gonna be less "polished travel magazine" and more "dude-just-got-back-from-a-trip-and-needs-to-unburden". Prepare for word vomit, folks.
SEO & the Basics (Ugh, Gotta Do This First)
Okay, fine. Here are some SEO-friendly keywords just to keep the Google gods happy: Forzando House Malang, UMM student accommodation, Malang hotels, budget friendly Malang, Wi-Fi Malang, swimming pool Malang, restaurant Malang, spa Malang, fitness center Malang, clean hotel Malang, near UMM Malang, student accommodation Malang, Forzando House review. Whew. Now we can get to the juicy stuff.
Accessibility: Can You Actually Get There?
Honestly, getting to Forzando House wasn't too bad. It's… in Malang. (Okay, captain obvious, I know.) I didn't have any major issues finding it with my trusty (and sometimes unreliable) Google Maps. Accessibility rating: 4/5, mainly because I didn't actually test wheelchair accessibility extensively. Did see elevators, though. So, points for that.
On-Site Munchies & Lounging: Feed Me, Seymore!
- Restaurants: Well, there are restaurants. More like, one main restaurant and a… "poolside bar." More on that later. The restaurant itself had a decent range. Asian cuisine? Check. Western? Check. Vegetarian?… I think so? (I'm terrible at remembering these things) I did see a salad option, and they had coffee/tea in restaurant. I can't live without my caffeine, so that's a huge plus. The a la carte was also a life saver. Did I tried the dessert? Yes, and it was delicious!
- Snack Bar/Coffee Shop: Didn't fully explore; probably just as well, my wallet would have hated me.
- Poolside Bar: This is where things get… interesting. Okay, it’s a bar. Happy Hour was a savior.
- Room Service: 24-hour? Now, that's what I call living. I did called for breakfast and it was okay.
- Dining Notes: The food was… good. Not Michelin-star amazing, but definitely edible! It's aimed to be more affordable, which is perfect for students. The atmosphere was surprisingly decent.
Is it Wheelchair Accessible? (I Can't Say For Sure, Seriously!)
Look, I didn't bring a wheelchair. I saw elevators, and the website suggests accessibility, but I can't give a definitive answer. Need a real review from someone who needs it! (This is an important thing! If you require accessibility, reach out to the hotel itself to be 100% sure!)
Internet: Wi-Fi, Wi-Fi Everywhere!
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! That's what I want to hear. The Internet access [wireless] was generally consistent. I mean, it wasn't lightning-fast, but it did the job and was able to post those Instagram stories. Internet [LAN] was also available, if you're into that old-school vibe.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax: Spa Day? Maybe. Gym? Probably.
- Swimming Pool: The pool! It was clean, and it had a pool with a view! It's perfect for a lazy afternoon. Swimming pool [outdoor]: is the best option.
- Spa/Sauna: They had a spa! I did not get a massage, but the idea of a sauna, steam room, and things like a foot bath, sounds AMAZING.
- Gym/Fitness: There's a fitness center! Good for burning off the calories from those ahem desserts.
- Other Relaxation: I didn't get to try a body scrub or body wrap, but hey, maybe next time!
Cleanliness and Safety: Is It Germ-Free?
Okay, this is important. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Rooms sanitized between stays? Check. First aid kit? Check. Hand sanitizer? Check. Staff trained in safety protocol? Check. Professional-grade sanitizing services? Check. The attention to safety was really reassuring. * Room sanitization opt-out available: Good to know they respect your wishes! * Safe dining setup: They clearly tried hard to follow protocols, which is a huge plus. Overall: Cleanliness rating: 4.5/5 (They can't be perfect, I'm sure!)
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (More Food!)
This is where things REALLY get interesting. See the Restaurants, and Poolside Bar section above!
- Breakfast: Asian breakfast? Check. Western breakfast? Check. Breakfast [buffet]? Check. I love a good buffet, even if I end up eating too much. The breakfast takeaway service is a nice touch for those early morning lectures (or late night parties, I won't judge).
- Other Dining Stuff: Bottle of water? Given. Coffee/tea in restaurant? Given. The Food was okay!
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things
- Air conditioning: YES! Essential in Malang.
- Daily housekeeping: Definitely appreciated!
- Doorman: There's a doorman, which makes you feel fancy af.
- Concierge: Very helpful.
- Laundry service: Definitely needed that!
- Luggage storage? Yep.
- Cash withdrawal? Oh yeah, there's an ATM nearby.
- Gift/souvenir shop: I didn't buy anything, but it's there.
- Elevator: Yep, elevator.
- My One Slightly Annoying Observation: The elevator moved kinda slowly? But honestly, I'm nitpicking.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly?
I didn't travel with kids, but they appear to be family/child friendly. I saw Kids facilities.
Access & Security: Safe & Sound?
- CCTV in common areas? Yes.
- Security [24-hour]? Yep.
- Fire extinguisher? Smoke alarms? Check, check, check. I felt safe.
Getting Around: Getting Out (and Back!)
- Airport transfer: Yes! A godsend.
- Car park [free of charge]: HUGE! (If you have your own wheels)
- Taxi service: Available, obviously.
Available in all Rooms: The Nitty-Gritty
- Air conditioning: We covered this. Essential.
- Wi-Fi [free]: We covered this too. Essential.
- Complimentary tea Lovely.
- Desk I managed to work on my laptop… briefly.
- Free bottled water Excellent.
- Safe box Good to know to protect your belongings.
- Shower Standard. Fine.
- Smoke detector Check.
- Soundproofing I definitely heard some noise from outside, but it wasn't too bad.
- Towels Towels are towels. Necessary.
- Wake-up service Didn't need it.
…And Now For The Honest Stuff (aka, My Actual Feelings)
Okay, so Forzando House… it’s good. Really good, especially for students. It's clean, it's safe, the Wi-Fi actually works, and you can actually eat, and that’s important. The pool was genuinely lovely, and honestly, that might be my favorite part. Just chilling out at the end of a long day. Definitely worth it.
BUT…
There's a slight… hotel vibe. It's not exactly overflowing with character. It's functional. Clean. Efficient. But… personality? It’s a bit lacking. I miss just a touch of that authentic Indonesian vibe. That’s just me, though.
My Biggest "OMG!" Moment: The Poolside… “Bar”
Okay, so here's the thing. The “Poolside Bar” is less "tropical paradise" and more "a table with a few drinks." It gets the job done, but I was expecting a bit more… flair! The Happy Hour saved the day.
The Quirks (Because Every Place Has Them)
- The elevator. Slow. But hey, it got me there.
- Sometimes the
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned travel itinerary. We're diving headfirst into the chaotic, beautiful, and frankly, slightly embarrassing reality of a trip to Forzando House Redpartner, right near Universitas Muhammadiyah Malang in… wait, where even IS Malang again? (Quick Google search: "East Java, Indonesia." Okay, got it.) So, picture this: me, armed with more enthusiasm than actual practical skills, and a burning desire to experience… something. Here's the plan, or rather, the suggestion of a plan, because let's be real, things never go exactly as… well, as planned.
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (With a Side of Nasi Goreng)
- 8:00 AM (ish): Wake up in… wait a second, where am I sleeping? Okay, okay, that's the first minor category, where to exactly? Should I choose the nearest and cheapest? Or a unique house, like Forzando House Redpartner? Let's go with Fozando! (Assuming they’ve got Wi-Fi and aren't haunted.) Greeted by jetlag. Mild panic about needing to eat immediately. That feeling of… "Oh god, did I pack enough socks?" and "Did I really understand the conversion rate for Indonesian Rupiah?" Also, the constant existential whisper: "Why am I here? What am I doing with my life?"
- 9:00 AM (ish): Survive the airport madness. Smuggle my luggage through customs. Deal with the baggage handlers, feeling simultaneously grateful and terrified of their apparent strength.
- 10:00 AM (ish): Figure out transportation. Gojek? Grab? Taxi? Bargaining? The language barrier looms large. Try to remember any Indonesian phrases I clumsily learned on Duolingo (pretty sure I just told a taxi driver "My head is a pineapple").
- 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM (ish): Arrive at Forzando House Redpartner. Hope it looks like the photos online, and isn't, you know, secretly a prison. Settle in. Unpack. Regret not packing a travel pillow. (This is a major oversight.)
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM (ish): LUNCH! The first real Indonesian meal. Pray it's not too spicy. Dream of a large, cold Bintang (beer). Locate a Nasi Goreng vendor nearby. The quest for authentic, delicious food begins, and I will probably spend the next several days obsessing about where to find the best nasi goreng in Malang. This is my life now.
- 2:00-4:00 PM (ish): Nap. Jetlag is a relentless beast. Dream of the world's softest mattress.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM (ish): Wander around near the Universitas Muhammadiyah Malang. Maybe try to find a local market? Get hopelessly lost? Probably. Buy a questionable street snack. End up charming a bunch of local kids. Practice my terrible Bahasa Indonesia. Realize I'm going to need a whole dictionary just to order a glass of water.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM (ish): Dinner. Hopefully, something different from lunch. Maybe try some Sate Ayam (chicken satay)? Or risk it and try something I can't pronounce. Embrace the unknown!
- 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM (ish): Attempt to write in my journal. Fail. Get distracted by the sounds of the city. Probably end up scrolling through social media, feeling a pang of envy for everyone else who seems to be living a much more exciting life. Accept my imperfections.
- 9:00 PM (ish): Collapse into bed. Contemplate the vastness of the universe. Fall asleep dreaming of chili peppers.
Day 2: Bromo Volcano and the Soul-Crushing Climb (Maybe)
- 5:00 AM (ish): Wake up. Curse the early start. (Was this a good idea? Why do I do this to myself?) Try to find coffee that doesn't taste like dishwater.
- 6:00 AM - 10:00 AM (ish): The Great Bromo Volcano Adventure! (This is a planned tour, because there's no way I'm renting a scooter in a foreign country. Terrifying.) The jeep ride. The dusty landscape. The sheer breathtakingness (hopefully). The climb. The potential for altitude sickness. The hordes of tourists taking selfies. (Try not to judge. Too much.) Hope I packed enough water. And sunscreen. And perhaps… an oxygen tank? (Kidding!… mostly.)
- 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM (ish): More spectacular views. Try to capture the beauty with my phone (and fail miserably). Actually, that panoramic shot on my phone will be, at best, mediocre.
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM (ish): Lunch. Hopefully, some proper Indonesian fuel. Or, you know, anything edible. The food situation is always a gamble.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM (ish): Return to the accommodation. Collapse into a chair. Re-evaluate my life choices. Consider applying for a job as a professional napper.
- 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM (ish): Shower. Wash off the dust of a thousand volcanoes. Marvel at the fact that I'm still alive.
- 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM (ish): Explore the surrounding area. More Nasi Goreng? Some shopping? Attempt to communicate with a local, probably with gestures and broken sentence fragments.
- 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM (ish): Dinner. Maybe try a local restaurant, and attempt to order something I can pronounce.
- 9:00 PM: (ish) Bedtime. Dream of fluffy clouds and volcanoes (or at least, fewer chili peppers). Pray my muscles aren't too sore.
Day 3: (Insert Random Adventure Here - Depending on Vibe)
- Morning: Let's leave this flexible, shall we? Here's where the messy, glorious improvisation comes in. Maybe a trip to a nearby waterfall? A cooking class where I'll inevitably burn the rice? A visit to a traditional market where I'll accidentally buy a live chicken? Who knows! The possibilities are endless, and I'm here for it.
- Afternoon: More exploration!
- Evening: Dinner. Debrief the Day's Unforeseen Events. Reflect on the sheer, unpredictable joy of travel.
Day 4: Leaving Malang (With Regret)
- Morning: The dreaded packing of the suitcase. Remember all the things I didn't buy. Feel a pang of sadness that the trip is ending.
- Afternoon: Departure from Malang. Reflect on the memories (good and bad). Resolve to learn more Bahasa Indonesia.
- Evening: (Whatever flight/train/bus takes you. No idea!) Safe travels!
Important Notes, Quirks, and Imperfections:
- Food: I will eat everything. (Except things that look suspiciously like fermented fish. Maybe.)
- Photography: I'm a terrible photographer. Expect blurry pictures and awkward angles.
- Lostness: I will, without a doubt, get lost. Multiple times. Embrace the chaos.
- Language: My Indonesian is laughably bad. Prepare for some hilarious misunderstandings.
- Emotions: Expect a rollercoaster of joy, frustration, awe, and the occasional bout of existential dread.
- Imperfections: This itinerary is a suggestion. It's not set in stone. It's meant to be adapted, changed, and utterly ruined by the irresistible pull of spontaneity.
- The goal? To experience something. To come back with stories to tell (even if they're mostly about getting lost and eating too much chili).
Let the adventure begin! Wish me luck. (I'll need it.)
Escape to Paradise: The Yellow Sidecar B&B Awaits in Margaree Harbour!
So, what *exactly* are we talking about here? Like, what even *is* this thing?
Ugh, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? Okay, okay, let's just say... it's a thing. A thing that… well, it can be anything, really! It's a concept, a project, a… *situation*. It's like trying to describe a color to someone who's never seen one. You go, "It's kinda… *bluish*?" And they're just staring at you, blank-faced. Honestly, even I’m not 100% sure *what* it is yet. But that’s part of the fun, isn’t it? Right?! (Please tell me it's fun.)
Why did you even *start* this whole… thing?
Oh, that's a good one. You wanna know the *real* reason? Boredom. Pure, unadulterated, soul-crushing boredom. Kidding! (Mostly.) Actually... I think I had this insane idea. An idea so wild it sounded like the kind you would get in your head in the middle of the night after too much coffee and a bad rom-com. And I went with it. I was like "Meh, why not?" And now here we are. Regret? Maybe a lil'. But hey, at least I'm not folding laundry. That's a win, right? Right?!
What's the goal? Like, what are you *trying* to achieve?
Okay, here’s the thing. I *thought* I knew the goal. Early on, it was all "world domination" and "changing the world." Yeah, very original, I know. Like, the kind of ambitions you have when you're fueled by lukewarm coffee and naive optimism. However, after experiencing just one tiny, itty-bitty setback a few weeks ago, that went down the drain, fast. Now? Honestly? Surviving another day without wanting to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. That's the goal. And if I can make a few people laugh along the way? Bonus!
Are there any rules? Is there a manual or something?
Rules? Manual? Honey, if I had those, I’d probably be less of a hot mess. No, there are no rules. Honestly, I'm making this up as I go along. It's like one of those "paint your own masterpiece" kits, but the instructions are in French, there's only black paint, and I'm legally blind. It's chaotic, a touch embarrassing, and frequently messy. But hey, at least it's interesting, right? (Please tell me it is.)
What if I don't understand?
Join the club! Honestly, if anyone ACTUALLY fully understands, please let me know. Seriously. I'll buy you a beer (or, like, a really, really nice sparkling water, because, you know, health). It's supposed to be a little… *out there*. So, if you're confused, good! You're getting it! If you *aren't* confused, then I'm probably doing something wrong. Just read, listen, and let your brain do its thing. Embrace the confusion! It's where the fun is.
Can I get involved?
Oh, absolutely! Please, PLEASE get involved. I'm going insane here, talking to myself. Any and all forms of interaction are welcome. Suggestions, criticism, fan mail (please!), hate mail (I guess, if you must). Basically, just don't send anything toxic. I’ve got enough toxicity in my own head already. Plus, I definitely don't have time to argue with strangers on the internet. So, yeah! Get involved. I need the company. And therapy. (Maybe they'll take it as payment.)
This thing is frustrating. What gives?
See, I'm not going to lie: you *might* be right. Honestly, I'm the first in line to admit this is often a train wreck. Like, a spectacular, slow-motion, fiery train wreck. It's frustrating because... well, because life is frustrating! And this reflects that perfectly! (Or, maybe I'm just a naturally frustrating person. Could be that too.) But hey, hopefully, you can relate a little. Hopefully, you'll at least find a moment of amusement. And if not? Well, feel free to move on. No hard feelings. But if you DO stick around, maybe it'll get better. Maybe. Don't hold your breath though.
How do I stay updated?
Um, good question. I'm not exactly the best at organizing things. I kind of operate in a chaotic whirlwind, with deadlines that are always "sometime." So, uh... right now, the answer is... by sheer force of will and a little bit of luck. I'm not *actively* trying to make it hard to follow along, but it just kind of...happens. Best advice? Check back, often. Or, maybe get a friend to babysit you. Seriously. This is a MESS. I need a nap.
What is the absolute *worst* part of this?
Oh, god, let me think... The *worst* part... Okay, okay. I'd say... the *rejection*. The constant, crushing wave of rejection that washes over you when you put yourself out there. That time I poured my heart and soul into something, a *whole thing*, hours and hours of it -- and got absolutely *nothing* back. Crickets. Silence. The void. I mean, I get it. We all get rejected. But it hits different when it's your *baby*, you know? It’s like, the world is basically saying, "Nope. We don't care." Ouch. Double ouch.
It's a bit much, I'm not gonna lie. But maybe that's the point. Maybe... maybe the point is to just keep going, even when you feel like you're the only one who cares. (Sigh) Okay, I'm good, I'm good. Where were we? Oh, yeah... the worst part. Well, besides that, definitely the self-doubt. And the factHotel Search Tips
