Escape to Burgundy: Unforgettable Stay at L'Orée des Vignes
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into a review of a certain hotel, and trust me, I've got opinions. Forget the sterile, perfectly-polished travel blogs, we're going full-on messy, real-world human. Let's get this show on the road!
(SEO Note: Okay, so clearly, keywords here are crucial. I'm gonna be dropping them like hot potatoes: "hotel review," "accessibility," "spa," "restaurants," "Wi-Fi," "family-friendly," whatever feels natural, but also, you know, present.)
Alright, so, this place. Let's just rip the band-aid off and start with the accessibility stuff. Because, honestly, that’s where my heart truly lies.
Accessibility: The Good, the…Meh
- Wheelchair Accessible: Ok, I gotta hand it to them, it looked pretty decent. Ramps were there, elevators were working (bonus points!), and the general layout seemed well-thought-out. However… it's always a "however," isn't it? I didn't personally use a wheelchair, but just eyeballing it, some of the seating areas in the restaurants felt a touch cramped. And I always wonder, are the accessible rooms actually accessible, or just… labelled as such? More specifics on room accessibility, like door width and bathroom features, would be awesome.
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: See above. They say they have them. I’d need more granular details. Like, are the phones in the rooms loud enough? Does the TV have closed captions and a damn mute button that works? Don’t make me yell, hotel!
- Elevator: Yep, it's there. Essential for my lazy self and anyone with mobility issues. Thank goodness.
- Visual Alarm: This is a biggie, and I didn't see it explicitly mentioned. If present, that's super, super important. If not… big ol' red flag for me.
Internet: The Lifeline (Or Not)
- Free Wi-Fi in All Rooms! Okay, winning. Seriously, in this day and age, this is a must. Bless.
- Internet Access – Wireless: Yep. See above.
- Internet Access – LAN: More than I'm likely to use, but hey, for the business travelers, it's a plus.
- Wi-Fi in Public Areas: Also a winner. Gotta Instagram those poolside cocktails, right? (More on pools later…)
- Internet Services: Unspecified. I pray it actually works. A hotel with terrible Wi-Fi is basically a modern-day medieval dungeon.
Spa and Relaxation: My Happy Place (Hopefully)
- Spa: YES. This is crucial. This is why I go to hotels.
- Spa/Sauna: I'm a sauna girl, so this gets bonus points. A good sauna is like a warm hug from the universe.
- Swimming Pool: Crucial.
- Pool with View: Oh, HELL yes. A pool with a view is a game changer. Imagine, me, lounging, sipping something vaguely fruity, overlooking… something beautiful. (Details later, people!)
- Swimming Pool [Outdoor]: Gotta be outdoors, baby!
- Body Scrub: I need this. My inner sloth needs this.
- Body Wrap: See above.
- Massage: Please tell me the massage is good. Cheap, crappy massages are a travesty.
- Sauna: I'm dreaming of it.
- Steamroom: Another bonus!
- Fitness Center: Urgh. Fine, I guess some people like to punish themselves. I'll stick to the spa, thanks.
- Foot bath: A nice little touch, maybe.
- Gym/fitness: See above.
(Emotional Aside: I'm already picturing myself post-massage, draped in a fluffy robe, feeling like a goddess. Don't ruin this for me, hotel!)
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Fun
- Restaurants: Plural! Excellent! More options, the better.
- Asian Cuisine in Restaurant: Intriguing. The more diverse the better!
- International cuisine in restaurant: Very good.
- Vegetarian Restaurant: YES! This makes me happy. My friends are vegetarian, this is amazing.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Fine.
- A la carte in restaurant: Good.
- Breakfast [Buffet]: Ah, a buffet. The source of both joy and potential overeating.
- Breakfast service: Good.
- Buffet in restaurant: See above.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Obvious, but important.
- Coffee shop: Perfect for a quick caffeine fix (or five).
- Poolside bar: YES! This is essential vacation life.
- Room service [24-hour]: Lifesaver. For when you're too lazy to leave your room. (Basically, me.)
- Bar: I like bars!
- Desserts in restaurant: Obviously.
- Happy hour: Another essential. This is a strong contender for a great hotel.
- Salad in restaurant: Gotta balance out the desserts.
- Soup in restaurant: For a light, satisfying meal.
- Snack bar: Fantastic for those moments when the munchies hit.
- Bottle of water: Hydration is key.
- Coffee/tea maker: In the room? Excellent!
- Alternative meal arrangement: Hopefully, including vegetarian options. (Again, important!)
- Asian breakfast: Awesome!
- Western breakfast: Fine.
- Essential condiments: What are they? Mustard is essential, what else?
(Rant incoming: The hotel better have decent coffee. Nothing ruins a morning faster than watery, burnt hotel coffee. Seriously. I need good coffee.)
Cleanliness and Safety: Because, you know… life.
- Cleanliness and safety: Important.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Excellent.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Essential.
- Hand sanitizer: Fantastic.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Good.
- Safe dining setup: Excellent.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Trying hard is good.
- Cashless payment service: Convenient.
- Doctor/nurse on call: Reassuring.
- First aid kit: Excellent.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Great.
- Hygiene certification: Ideal; this is what you should demand.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Very reassuring.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Essential.
- Sterilizing equipment: Great!
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Ok.
- Shared stationery removed: Smart.
(Real-Life Anecdote: I once stayed in a hotel where the room was so dusty I sneezed for a week. It wasn't fun. So this is crucial, people!)
Services and Conveniences: The Extras
- Air conditioning in public area: Necessary.
- Air conditioning: Necessary.
- Concierge: Always helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes, please!
- Doorman: Nice touch.
- Dry cleaning: Always a plus.
- Elevator: See above.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See above.
- Ironing service: Good to have.
- Laundry service: Wonderful!
- Luggage storage: Highly useful.
- Safety deposit boxes: Always a good idea.
- Smoking area: Sure, whatever.
- Terrace: Lovely!
- Cash withdrawal: Convenient
- Contactless check-in/out: Excellent!
- Convenience store: Always useful
- Currency exchange: Good to have.
- Food delivery: Good
- Gift/souvenir shop: Nice.
- Invoice provided: Good!
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Good for those who want to get together.
- Meetings: Good.
- Meeting stationery: Useful.
- Pets allowed unavailable: Boo!
- Security [24-hour]: Essential.
- Smoke alarms: Important!
- Soundproof rooms: Heavenly!
- Valet parking: Fancy!
- Airport transfer: Good!
- Bicycle parking: Excellent!
- Car park [free of charge]: Score!
- Car park [on-site]: Great!
- Car power charging station: Always good!
- Taxi service: Extremely important.
**(Quirky Observation: I
Escape to Paradise: Hotel Marielena's Cuatro Ciénegas Oasis Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This isn't your grandma's itinerary. This is MY itinerary. And it's going to be a glorious, messy, wine-soaked adventure in the Bourgogne. I'm aiming for Chambres d'Hotes L'Oree des Vignes in Saint-Pere. Wish me luck, because knowing me, nothing will go exactly as planned.
Day 1: Arrival and Initial Delirium (aka "Where Did I Park?")
- Morning (Actually, More Like Mid-Afternoon): Arrive at Charles de Gaulle airport. Okay, let's be real, "arrive" needs a bit of clarification. It's more like survive the labyrinth of CDG. Found my suitcase (miracle #1). Then, cue the dramatic music, I'm trying to understand the rental car situation. The French – they have a thing for bureaucracy, I’m certain. Got the car (finally!) and promptly spent the next hour circling the airport, muttering profanities under my breath because Google Maps was being a stubborn French cow.
- Afternoon: Finally, FINALLY, I'm on the road! The drive is supposed to be gorgeous, and it IS in certain patches. But mostly, I was just focused on not crashing, and trying to figure out the French road signs. They're basically a cryptic art form, I swear.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening: Arrive (hopefully) at L'Oree des Vignes. Praying I don’t get lost again. The thought of actually relaxing in a beautiful chambre d'hotes makes my slightly frayed nerves feel slightly less frayed.
- Reality Check: I picture myself gracefully gliding into the picturesque courtyard, all smiles and chic French phrases. What actually happens? I probably stumble, my hair's a bird's nest, and I blurt out a garbled "Bonjour!" while simultaneously dropping a bag of emergency snacks. (Always pack snacks. Trust me.)
- Initial Reaction: The place IS gorgeous. Like, postcard-worthy gorgeous. The stone walls, the flowers, that view… I'm suddenly convinced I've died and gone to Burgundy heaven.
- Dinner: Assuming I've successfully navigated the check-in process. I should be eating the recommended restaurant, a charming little bistro somewhere nearby. The plan is to go alone but… I’m already thinking about the wine. Maybe one glass. Or two. Don't judge me. This is the beginning of my vacation, people! And French food!
Day 2: Village Vibes and Wine-Induced Contemplation (Rambling Begins)
- Morning: Breakfast at L'Oree des Vignes. Praying for croissants. Praying REALLY hard. (And maybe a strong coffee. My brain is still operating at half-speed from the travel.)
- Anecdote: Okay, real talk. The first mouthful of a perfectly flaky French croissant might actually be the closest I've come to experiencing pure joy. Seriously. Pure. Joy.
- Mid-Morning: Head to a nearby village. I'll try to channel my inner Frenchwoman and actually enjoy the experience without rushing. (This is a HUGE ask for me, a born and bred New Yorker).
- Quirky Observation: The tiny French cars! They're everywhere and they're ridiculously adorable. I suddenly want one. And a beret. And a dog named "Fifi." (Maybe I'm being influenced by the wine. Again.)
- Afternoon: Wine tasting, naturally. At a winery. The plan is to be a sophisticated, attentive wine-taster. I'll probably end up giggling uncontrollably and trying to pronounce all the French names.
- Emotional Reaction: Wine tasting is life. The smells, the colors, the flavors! It’s an explosion of the best kinds of emotions. I'm in love with the Pinot Noir, the crisp Sauvignon Blanc. Even the slightly funky ones are fascinating. (And, if you're lucky you'll find me with a big bottle. It's for "research," I swear.)
- Late Afternoon: Wander back to the chambre d'hotes completely blissful and maybe a little tipsy. This is what vacation is all about, right?
- Evening: Dinner at L'Oree des Vignes if offered, or back to the bistro and the wine.
Day 3: Chalon-sur-Saône and a Whirlwind of History (and More Wine, Obvs)
- Morning: A drive to Chalon-sur-Saône. Supposed to be a charming little town with history and culture. I will try and fail to act like a cultured person.
- Imperfections: Okay, I'm not going to lie. I'm not the best at museums. I get bored easily. But, I'll try. I promise.
- Afternoon: Lunch in Chalon. Seafood, if possible. Because, well, why not?
- Late Afternoon: More wine. Maybe some cheese. My arteries are probably screaming, but my soul is singing.
- Anecdote: I might have bought a whole wheel of cheese at the market. And a baguette. And a bottle of wine. Let’s just say it's a good thing I have a car.
- Evening: Back to L'Oree des Vignes and collapse into a blissful sleep. Probably dreaming of vineyards and cheese.
Day 4: The Burgundy Backroads & The Great Regret (aka, I should've stayed longer)
- Morning: The plan is to hit those backroads, the scenic routes, and the hidden gems. I’m thinking villages, farmers' markets, the whole shebang. I probably won’t find many gems and end up getting lost.
- Rambling: Okay, so I know this is supposed to be an "itinerary," but let's face it, I'm probably going to stray. I mean, what even is a plan on vacation, when the possibilities are limitless?
- Afternoon: Another winery. ANOTHER. I can already feel the wine flowing through my veins.
- Emotional Reaction: This is it. I am falling in love with this region. The food, the wine, the people…it's magic.
- Late Afternoon: I might spend the rest of the day in the local village, trying to soak it all in. Trying to capture the magic. Or maybe, just maybe, heading straight for the wine cellars and grabbing one last bottle.
- Evening: Begin the heartbreaking process of packing and looking at flights.
Day 5: Departure (and the inevitable post-vacation blues)
- Morning: A final, glorious breakfast at L'Oree des Vignes. Last-minute photo shoot of the room, the view, the croissants. Savoring every last moment of serenity.
- Mid-Morning: Start the drive to the airport, already experiencing post-vacation blues, even though I’m still in Bourgogne.
- Afternoon: Back to the airport. God help me.
Final Thoughts:
This is not a perfect itinerary. It's a blueprint, a suggestion, a guideline, but it's going to be as unpredictable as I am. If I come back with a tan, a slightly expanded waistline, and a permanent craving for Bourgogne wine, then I'll consider it a success. And if I forget bits and pieces, well, that's just part of the adventure. Now, where's that corkscrew…?
Fortuna Hotel: Your Sidoarjo Oasis - Perfect Paiton Toll Exit Location!
Why are you doing this? Seriously, why?
Ugh, good question. Honestly? Boredom. Utter, soul-crushing boredom. And maybe… just maybe… a tiny, flickering hope that someone, *anyone*, will read this and think, "Hey, she's as messed up as I am!" Validation, people, validation! Plus, I got this weird obsession with things that *should* be structured (like FAQs) and then completely wrecking them. It's my art. Don’t judge.
So, you're claiming this is a "FAQ", but about what, exactly?
Okay, fair point. It's a FAQ about… ME. My brain. Kind of. My experiences. My… *stuff*. You know, the usual train wreck of human existence, just from my particular, slightly unhinged, viewpoint. Think of it as less of a “guide” and more of a… a descent? Into chaos? Look, just read it. I’m not exactly sure what's happening either.
Can you give me an example of your "stuff"?
Oh, God. Where do I even *start*? Okay, let's see… there was the time I… no, that's too embarrassing. How about the time I accidentally set the toaster oven on fire trying to make toast? Yep, perfect. I was *convinced* that the slightly burnt smell was just “character.” Turns out, no. It was smoke. Lots of smoke and the look of sheer horror on my then-boyfriend's face. Good times! (Also, the toast was *awful*.) And then there's the saga of The Great Sock Mystery… Honestly, I have no idea where those socks went. Gone. Poof! Vanished into the abyss. It keeps me up at night. Truly.
What are your opinions on… anything? Like, *seriously* anything?
Oh, you *do* NOT want to get me started on opinions. Everything has an opinion attached to it for me, right? Okay, quick fire: Pineapple on pizza? NO. Absolutely not. Disgusting. Cats? Adorable little furry terrorists. Taxes? The bane of my existence. And… (*deep breath*) … cilantro? HATE IT. Tastes like soap. I’m not even sorry!
What's the deal with the "Great Sock Mystery?" I need answers!
Okay, I get it. The sock thing… it's a *thing*. It started innocently enough. Put the laundry in, pull out the socks, pair them up. Repeat. Then… one sock. Missing. Okay, that's life. Fine. But then it got worse. One sock per load. Then two, then three. I started doing *everything*. Checking the dryer lint trap, the washing machine drum. Under the bed. Behind the dresser. The *cat!* It’s the cat, right? But no, the little fluffy mastermind is innocent. Maybe. I have no idea! It's a vortex, I tell you! A black hole for socks! And here's the kicker: This. Keeps. Happening. I even bought a special sock organizer! Useless! I’m convinced there’s some kind of sock-eating monster living in my dryer. A terrifying, fluffy, sock-devouring beast! And this is why I can't get a complete pair!! Aaargh!
Okay, so… what *are* you trying to achieve with all this?
Honestly? I have no idea. Maybe to connect with other people who are tired of the same old, boring stuff. To maybe, just maybe, make *someone* laugh, even a little bit. Or to make them feel like they're not alone in the weirdness of life. Or maybe it’s just to make myself feel less crazy. Probably all of the above. And maybe, just maybe, to solve the Great Sock Mystery. (Still working on that one.)
Where else can I find more of your… "wisdom"?
Ha! Wisdom? I wouldn't trust me to locate my keys, let alone impart wisdom! Look, I'm not promising I can lead you to Nirvana. But I can probably make you laugh at something that'll likely make you question your own sanity. So, keep an eye out? Don't hold your breath.
