Abuja's BEST Hotel 2020: Unbeatable Luxury Awaits!
Alright, buckle up buttercups! We’re diving headfirst into the shimmering, sometimes-slightly-questionable world of Abuja’s BEST Hotel 2020: Unbeatable Luxury Awaits! Get ready for a review that’s less "smooth travel brochure" and more "slightly jet-lagged traveler spilling the tea."
First Impressions & "Oh My Goodness, Finally!" Moment (Accessibility & Getting In The Door)
Okay, so… Abuja. Let’s be honest, sometimes it feels like you’re navigating a minefield. But finding this hotel? Surprisingly, a breeze. The airport transfer was smooth as silk. They even had a car park [free of charge], which, in Abuja, is a small miracle. And for those who need it, and bless you, they apparently cater to you well too, with really good facilities for disabled guests. Elevators? Check. No awkward limping or feeling like you're intruding. Score one for the good guys. Especially with that lovely lobby, that makes you feel like you've actually arrived somewhere.
The Room: My Fortress of Solitude (Plus Wi-Fi Drama)
Let's talk about the room. It was… large. Like, you could probably hold a small convention in the extra long bed if you really wanted to. The air conditioning was a blessed relief from the Abuja heat. Blackout curtains? Necessary for a night owl like me. And yes, people, the free Wi-Fi was present! But and it's a BIG but… there were the occasional minor hiccups. I mean, it's the internet, innit? We all know how that goes. Thank God for Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!. And Internet access – wireless too. Didn't rely on the Internet access – LAN at all but it was nice to know it was there. A few times, I was screaming internally, but hey, that’s life. (Remember that time I accidentally uploaded a photo of my toes to the main file system? Okay, maybe I'll keep that for another time…)
In my room, I found the usual suspects: Air conditioning, Bathrobes (yes!), a coffee/tea maker (important), a mini bar (tempting). Complimentary tea… bless them. Free bottled water? Always appreciated. Honestly? My main takeaway? The bathtub was glorious. After a long day of… well, doing stuff, it was pure heaven.
Cleanliness & Safety: Surviving the Pandemic (and Abuja)
Alright, listen up. This is important. I'm a germaphobe at the best of times. Let's just say, the word "pandemic" didn't exactly calm my nerves. BUT! I was genuinely impressed. The Anti-viral cleaning products were no joke. I saw them literally zapping the lobby! They have a Daily disinfection in common areas, and apparently, you can opt-out of Room sanitization if you feel that way. And guess what? Individually-wrapped food options. GENIUS. They’ve got First aid kits and a Doctor/nurse on call too – like, total peace of mind. The Staff trained in safety protocol, too. That mattered. It felt like they actually gave a damn. And that brings me to the Cashless payment service - very modern. They even had Hand sanitizer everywhere, which is always appreciated.
Dining & Drinking: Fueling the Adventure (and the Occasional Meltdown)
Okay, the food. This is where things got… interesting. The Breakfast [buffet]? A mixed bag. There was a Western breakfast and an Asian breakfast, but not everything was equally appealing, the Coffee/tea in restaurant was good but the Coffee shop was slightly better. I think I even found some Desserts in restaurant that I was actually willing to try.
The restaurants themselves had options – A la carte in restaurant, the Buffet in restaurant and a Vegetarian restaurant, too. The Poolside bar was a highlight (because, let's face it, a cocktail is a cure-all). The Happy hour was a lifesaver after one particularly chaotic day. The Room service [24-hour] was also a godsend. I may or may not have ordered a mountain of fries at 3 AM. Don't judge.
But, oh, this one time. I swear, their version of a Salad in restaurant was… let's just say, not exactly Instagram-worthy. Like, my emotional reaction? Definite disappointment. I'll admit that the Soup in restaurant was more my style.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Embracing the Chill (and the Steamroom!)
Here’s where the hotel really shines. Seriously, you could spend a WEEK here and still not experience everything.
- Pool: Yes. Multiple times, yes. I got obsessed. Swimming pool [outdoor]. Pool with view. Perfect for a little "me" time.
- Spa: Oh. Em. Gee. Massage? Body scrub? Body wrap? Take ALL my money! I went for the full shebang, and I'm still floating.
- Sauna & Steamroom: I’ve been to a few, and this one? Excellent.
- Fitness Center: I intended to use this. Repeatedly. I went in there, took a look, and then went back to the pool. But it’s there! Gym/fitness for those with more willpower than yours truly.
Services & Conveniences: Making Life Easier (and Less Messy)
They’ve got pretty much everything you could need: Concierge, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping (thank you, angels!), Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service. Luggage storage - essential. They have also Car park [on-site]! They even had a Convenience store for those late-night snack cravings.
I didn't use the Business facilities, but they were there with Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, a Projector/LED display and a Xerox/fax in business center.
For the Kids: Keeping the Little Monsters Happy (and Out of My Face)
They were very Family/child friendly! Babysitting service? Brilliant! Oh, the blessing of peace. No need to worry about kids running rampant (or being your responsibility!).
Getting Around: Navigating Abuja (and the Driver’s Seat)
Aside from the well-appreciated Airport transfer. They have Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]. Even a Taxi service. Valet parking available too.
The Offer: Escape to Luxury, Worry-Free!
Okay, so you're sold, right? You want to experience the blissful chaos of Abuja's BEST Hotel 2020: Unbeatable Luxury Awaits! (and possibly the best bathtub in the city).
Here’s the deal: Book your stay now and get a FREE upgrade to a room with a view (ahem, the pool!), plus a complimentary cocktail at the poolside bar!
Why book NOW? Because, let's be honest, you deserve a break. You deserve a little pampering. You deserve that damn bathtub. And because, if you book now, you might just find your happy place (or at least avoid a major meltdown).
This is my honest review. Go! Book the trip! Don't think twice. You need this.
Orchha's Sunset Secret: Unbelievable Views from The Ortus Stays Sunset Room
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average, sterile itinerary. This is my trip to Hotel 2020 in Abuja, Nigeria. Prepare for a bumpy ride - metaphorically speaking, of course. I'm hoping the actual ride is less of a bumpy ride.
Hotel 2020 Abuja: The "Let's See How This Goes" Edition
Day 1: Arrival and Abuja's "Welcome" (AKA, Jet Lagged Disaster)
7:00 AM (Local Time): Arrive at Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport. Landed. Survived the flight. Check. Wait, is that a goat wandering around the baggage claim? Okay, maybe I need more sleep. This already feels… different.
8:00 AM: Immigration and Customs. Pray for the best. I swear I smiled extra wide at the customs officer. Who knows what they're looking for! Success! (I think?) My visa stamp looks legit. Fingers crossed.
8:30 AM - 9:30 PM: The Taxi Saga. Finding a reputable taxi driver feels like a quest in a video game. After dodging a few dodgy-looking characters (seriously, some of these guys make me nervous)… finally find a guy who seems okay. Negotiating the price is a whole performance in itself, a dance of hesitant smiles and sharp glances. Finally agree on a price, which feels fair (I hope). The drive? Well, let’s just say Abuja traffic is a thing. The road wasn't smooth, like at all.
10:00 AM: Arrive at Hotel 2020. Breathe a sigh of relief. The lobby actually looks pretty swanky. Marble floors, a chandelier that probably cost more than my car… My room? It's… decent. The AC blasts out colder air than I'm used to, and the view isn't exactly postcard-worthy (a construction site… joy!), but hey, a bed is a bed.
11:00 AM - 3:00 PM: Fighting Jet Lag and the Mystery of the Missing Water Bottle. Collapse on the bed. Sleep. Sort of. Wake up disoriented, thirsty. Realize the complimentary water bottle is… missing. Seriously? Sigh. Consider calling room service, but I reckon it would be even more expensive. Decide to brave the outside world to find water. Walk around and discover the lovely hotel restaurant.
3:00 PM: Lunch at the hotel restaurant. Ordered jollof rice (because, Nigeria!). It was… okay. Not the best I've ever had, but not the worst either. The waiter, bless his heart, kept calling me "Madam". Maybe it's the color of my hair? Or just how tired I look. Who knows.
4:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Embracing the Chaos. Stumbled upon a pool! (yay)! And decided to try to sunbathe. Immediately noticed the mosquitoes - the giant mosquito - the size of a small child. Abandoned hope and retreated to the room.
7:00 PM: Dinner at hotel. Chicken and chips (my attempt to start with the basics). Decently good.
8:00 PM: Watch some local Nigerian television. The commercials are… something else. A commercial for a hair growth serum featured a dancing man with the world's most epic combover. I could have watched that all night. Bedtime.
Day 2: Exploring Abuja (Or at Least Trying To)
8:00 AM: Breakfast. Found the complimentary water bottle (yay!). Bacon and eggs (standard westerner breakfast). Not bad.
9:00 AM: The Gwarinpa Market Adventure. Decided to be brave and venture out to a local market. Got a taxi. The driver was chatty, which was fine, but I got the distinct impression he was taking a very roundabout route. The market itself? A sensory overload! The colors, the smells (mostly good), the sounds, the sheer hustle of it all. I saw everything from live chickens in cages to elaborate fabric prints. I bought nothing because I was too overwhelmed to even open my wallet. Maybe tomorrow.
12:00 PM: The National Mosque. Attempted to visit the National Mosque, but I was told I wasn't properly dressed (despite attempting to follow the modest dress code I saw online - clearly I failed to measure up). I tried so hard! Oh well, maybe next time. Decided to get some snacks. Found street food! I am not sure what it was but I ate it. It was good.
2:00 PM: The Millennium Park. After the mosque disappointment, decided to salvage the day. Beautiful. Lush greenery, a peaceful oasis in the middle of the city. Actually felt relaxed for the first time since arriving.
4:00 PM: Back to the hotel, ordered room service. The meal was underwhelming, frankly. The restaurant, on the other hand, was buzzing with life. Lively conversations, people laughing…I felt a bit like an outsider.
7:00 PM: Attempted to go out for dinner but decided to just order in. Feeling tired. Ordered from the hotel restaurant.
8:00 PM: Reading in bed. Sleep.
Day 3: Departure (Or More Adventures in Patience)
8:00 AM: Breakfast. The same as yesterday (bacon and eggs).
9:00 AM: Packing. Oh joy. A few more walks around the hotel - said goodbye to the pool. Got a taxi; I kept it short to the airport so the taxi experience would be much shorter
12:00 PM: Arrived at the airport.
12:30 PM: The check-in process. It took forever, of course.
1:30 PM: Security. More waiting.
2:30 PM: Boarding. Finally!
3:00 PM: Departure. So long, Abuja!
Emotional Summary:
- Excitement Level: High initially, then gradually dwindled due to jet lag and the initial overwhelm
- Frustration Level: Medium (traffic, the mosque, the food sometimes).
- Surprise Level: High (the goat at the airport, the dancing comb-over man).
- Overall Sentiment: A mix of amazement, a touch of bewilderment, and a whole lot of potential for future adventures. Nigeria, you're one of a kind! And I'm already plotting a return trip! (Maybe with a better guide and a pre-packed water bottle).
So, what *is* this even about? Seriously, I'm lost.
Are you… qualified to answer any of this?
Okay, but what *specific topics* will this... thing… cover?
- **Relationships:** The joy, the agony, the "did he just text me with a meme?" moments. You know, the good stuff. My ex? Don't get me started. (Kidding... mostly.)
- **Career/Life Goals:** The constant struggle of "what am I DOING?" and the occasional moments of "wow, I actually did that." Spoiler alert, I'm still figuring out the doing part.
- **Anxiety/Mental Health:** Oh boy. This is where it gets real. The good days, the bad days, and the days I just want to hide under the covers with a bag of chips. Let's just say, I'm a frequent flyer in the "overthinking" department.
- **Food and Cooking:** Because sometimes, the only way to deal with life is to eat it. Or set it on fire… sometimes both.
- **Trying to survive the world:** Yeah, general life stuff, dealing with technology when it fails you, the struggles, the triumphs, and the plain-old-bored-days of life.
You mentioned "epic fails." Do we get examples? Please say yes.
What about good moments? You can't just dwell on the disasters, surely?
How do you deal with anxiety or depression, and if you're going to be totally honest, does it actually help?
What if I disagree with something you say?
Are you ever going to get your act together?
